It's All Relevant

I Am His
Posted:Dec 16, 2017 6:18 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2017 9:48 am
I Am His

Today I don’t feel like it.
The bed is warm and whispering my name.
The to-do list threatens to drown me,
and sadness is a weight tethered to my ankle.
He isn’t here to hold me,
and my skin aches for his touch.
Today it feels like too much,
but today I am His.
His voice whispers in my ear,
telling me to take the next step.
The thought of that smile on his face
will move my feet from this spot.
It won’t be easy,
but the best things never are.
At the other end lays a promise,
the one that will make me start again tomorrow too.
Because, “Mine,” is not just a word,
it’s a covenant.

1 comment
What Do I Owe?
Posted:Dec 15, 2017 9:29 pm
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2017 9:48 am
What Do I Owe?

I spend an awful lot of time thinking about what my Dominant is to me. He is my strength, my comfort, and my friend. The list goes on and on. I think he would say I was meticulous when it came to vetting. I wanted to know that he was not only willing, but wanting, to be all the things I needed him to be for me. But what about the things I’m supposed to be for him?

You’ll hear time and again here on Tumblr, about all of the things you should expect your Dom to be for you. The ways he needs to step up that are non-negotiable. There have been a few posts lately by people I admire that have gotten me to thinking about the role that I play for my Dominant. Where does my responsibility lie, beyond being cute, and perfecting that whimpering beg he loves so much?

I owe honesty. If I expect honesty in return, it’s my responsibly to present the real me from day one. Truth, truth, and more truth. There’s tact and then there’s dishonesty. If I pretend to be someone, or something, I am not, to win affection, that makes me a liar.

I owe clarity. I need to define my limits, goals, and expectations carefully and honestly. It would be unfair of me, and unkind, to wait until we’ve negotiated our relationship before defining my limits. This requires honesty, not only with him, but with myself.

I owe obedience. There is a difference between a negotiated level of brattiness in a relationship and disobedience. In the same way I expect him to provide structure I need to respond with obedience.

I owe presence. I need to be present for him just as he is for me. It’s unfair to ask for his time, attention, and effort if I am not willing to respond in kind. This includes an honest assessment of what I have to offer.

I owe affection. I can not expect that which I am unwilling to give. It would be wrong of me to enter into a relationship while waiting for the next best thing to come along. Plenty of people can thrive in a D/s relationship not based in loving affection, but that sort of relationship is not for me.

I owe respect. He’s earned it. When we first met I owed him fuck-all. But my submission to him is evidence that he has earned my trust and respect. Given that he has done nothing to betray that trust, and in recognition of all the thing I love about him, and the effort he puts into our relationship, I owe him respect in return.

I owe deference. I can not expect someone to lead if I am not willing to follow. I must allow him the opportunity to take the lead by deferring to him. Obeying only when it’s demanded of me is not enough.

I’m sure as I continue to meditate on my share of the responsibility my understanding will expand and shift, but it’s been a very humbling journey thus far. A sharp reminder that in a relationship the yolk of responsibility is a burden meant to be shared.

The gift...(poem)
Posted:Dec 14, 2017 8:57 am
Last Updated:Dec 15, 2017 8:41 pm
The gift...(poem)

He unwraps her darkness like a gift, carefully unfolding its contents, admiring each piece like a gem.

As he holds it to the light, it both absorbs and reflects the sun’s rays.

Some will retreat back into the shadows.

Some will dissipate into memory.

Some, under his care, will crystallize and become something beautiful.

To each of these, he smiles acceptance, with patience and love.

There is not part of her darkness he fears.

He embraces it, and in him. The darkness dances with him as he leads.

She knows if she asked, he would return it to her; allow her to tuck it away again but she will not.

In his hands, her darkness is beautiful, controlled, peaceful.

So she gives him this dark gift, again and again, she surrenders it to him and with it…

She surrenders all.

Posted:Dec 13, 2017 10:32 pm
Last Updated:Dec 15, 2017 9:36 pm

“Why?” She asks Him.

He laughs and replies “Because I do.”

She points out her darkness.

"But, this?”

“Yes, that.”

She points out her past

“But this?”

“That too.”

She shows him her pain, her doubt, her fear, her weakness, her mistakes… until tears flood her eyes.

“Yes,…" he whispers as her head pushes into his chest. "I love those too”

“But… Why?” She asks.

“Because…” He says. “…they’re you.”

Creating Structure
Posted:Dec 13, 2017 7:07 am
Last Updated:Dec 13, 2017 10:35 pm
Creating Structure

Submissives crave structure. If you create a world where the decisions are made, expectations are clear, and she knows what to expect, your submissive will do everything in her power to please you. The thing is that you’ll hear a lot about structure and consistency, it’s eluded to all the time, but you’ll rarely hear people talk about what that it looks like.

Structure is more than a set of rules, though rules are a great start. If it’s structure you’re after consistent behaviors are the building blocks. Structure is built by the Dominant and maintained on both sides. For submissives, there’s freedom in knowing what to expect. It may seem boring to most people, but I love knowing that my days will start and end in exactly the same way, and I think most submissives would agree. So it’s down to the nitty-gritty… taking a look at what structure looks like.

Disclaimer: It’s not the same for everyone, and that’s okay. Relationships are different, and these examples are to give an idea to those who are struggling. They are not meant to be the be-all-end-all, that defines the structure. Also, I use feminine pronouns for subs and male for Doms, not because I’m silly enough to believe that’s the only way it goes, but because that’s the sort of relationship I personally am in.

Does she wake up knowing the first thing to do? Is there a message on her phone from you? Is she supposed to let you know that she’s awake? Should she start the coffee while you’re in the shower?

When she goes to get dressed is there a reminder of you? Do you pick out her panties each day? Does she send you a picture for approval? Are skirts expected on certain days?

She’ll be late home tonight. Does she call and let you know? Leave you a text message? Is the note scribbled on the calendar enough?

She wants to make a purchase but she can’t get in touch with you. Does she make it anyway and tell you after? Can she decide to spend, but only up to a certain limit? Does she wait unless it’s an emergency, even if she’ll miss the sale?

She knows you like her legs shaved and smooth. Keeping them smooth is a rule. Does she shave every day? Every other day? How about when she has her period?

So these might still seem like just rules to you, but how about this…

Is it safe for her to come to you when she’s disobeyed? Sure, she should expect punishment, but does she know that your reaction and her punishment will be rational and equitable?

Does she know that you will call if you’ll be late?

Is she sure she’s doing well because you tell her consistently? Or show her with your affection? (Structure is about eliminating doubt too)

Do you hold her when you’re falling asleep? Do you realize that when you don’t she might worry she’s done something wrong?

If she journals for you, does she know that you’ll read it within a certain time-frame? Do you let her know when you have?

Does she know when to worry that you haven’t contacted her? Does she know you’d never miss a goodnight message unless something is wrong? Or does she assume you’ve fallen asleep or not charged your phone and give you time? How long? 12 hours? 24?

When these questions have answered it’s a sign that a submissive has structure. She knows what to expect, and she knows what is expected. A lot of it is about having rules, and what @instructor144 calls ‘defaults’ (Knowing what to do when you’re not there to ask. ex: If she sends you a picture of her outfit for approval and you don’t respond within 20 minutes, then the outfit is automatically approved).

Some of it is about being predictable as a Dominant. Predictably strict. Predictably observant. Predictably fair. Predictably affectionate. All these things stacked one on the other create the structure that makes a submissive feel safe, loved, and cared for.

If She Doesn’t Feel You For Days, You’re Doing It Wrong
Posted:Dec 12, 2017 4:04 am
Last Updated:Dec 12, 2017 3:39 pm
If She Doesn’t Feel You For Days, You’re Doing It Wrong

I’m not talking just about the fucking and the sexy times and the scenes.
I don’t just mean the slaps and pulls, bites and pinches, belts and ropes, licks and thrusts.
Oh, the licks and thrusts.
Wait, what was I talking about? Oh, yes!
I am talking about all of the above, and so much more.
I am talking about anything and everything you do. If you’re doing it without passion, if you are going through the motions, you’re doing it wrong.
She’ll know it. Everyone around you will know it.
Do you kiss her when you walk in the door? Do you lean over and plant a peck on her cheek as you toss aside your coat?
Stop that shit. Stop it now.
If you’re going to kiss her, grab her by the back of her hair, lick your way up her throat, and then kiss her like you’re trying to save her fucking life.
Even if that entire exchange lasts only 10 seconds because you’re in a rush to hop in the shower and get to wherever the hell your ass needs to be next.
She’ll feel that for days.
Not everyone is good at putting pretty words down on a piece of paper. I get it. Go ahead and buy her a Hallmark card that says everything you feel about her in your heart. But fucking write something personal in it or go home empty-handed.
Tell her about the last time she took your breath away. Tell her what you want to do to her the next time you’re alone. Tell her something that can only come from you because she’s yours. Tell her what you think of when you feel her hair in your hand or smell her shampoo. Tell her your fucking dick twitches when she calls you in the middle of the day and laughs into the phone.
She’ll feel that for days.
Don’t roll over when you get into bed.
Grab her hip and pull her into you. Burrow your nose into her neck. It doesn’t matter if all you do after is go to sleep. Do it because she’s the last goddamn thing you want to feel as you drift off at the end of the night. Do it because you want her in your dreams.
She’ll feel that for days.
Don’t spank her because she asked for it. Spank her because holy shit, that ass.
Don’t eat her pussy because that’s what gets her good and ready. Eat her pussy because it’s the only thing that will cure the cancer eating away at your soul.
Whisper into her ear every dirty fucking thing about her that makes you crazy. Up your game a bit. Don’t ask her, “Is this what you want? Whose pussy is this?”
Fuck. That.
Lean over and fucking TELL her that pussy is yours.
Because you’ve never felt pussy so good.Because you’ll never stop wanting it.Because all day you can’t wait to get in it.
She’ll feel that for days.
Long after the sun rises and the soreness wears off and the bruises fade, she’ll still feel you. She’ll feel you sinking into the cracks in her soul and hear the echoes of every whisper as it bounces around her heart. She’ll call you in the middle of the day and laugh that laugh that makes your dick twitch, but what you won’t see on the other end is her blushing and squirming in her seat because she can feel you.
Whatever IT is, if you do it like you fucking mean it, like you cannot take another breath without doing it, she’ll know the difference.
She’ll feel it forever.

Posted:Dec 11, 2017 8:16 am
Last Updated:Dec 12, 2017 8:36 am

As much as I need comfort after punishment, sometimes I think he needs it more than I do. I need his forgiveness. I need to know that things are okay between us and I’m still his, still loved, still safe.

But he needs that, too. The first time I realized it, it was a huge lightbulb moment. He was quieter than usual and I was worried. Worried that, despite his earlier reassurance, all was not right between us once again. So, after a couple of hours of watching him brood about it, I screwed up my courage and knelt at his feet and gently asked him if there was something we needed to talk about.

He said something that rocked my world. He simply asked me, “Do you know how difficult that was for me?” And I sat back on my heels for a moment, because the answer that came to mind immediately was “No, I don’t.” I realized in that moment how selfish I’d been, thinking only about how I felt about being punished, and not about how difficult it had been for him, to watch me struggle and struggle and still fail and then have to follow through with the consequence we’d discussed. He loved me and wanted me to be healthy and happy and not only had I disappointed him and broken the rules, but he’d had to do the work of correcting me and putting me back on the path he set *again*.

That’s when i realized he needed my comfort, he needed to know I still loved him, that I appreciated the lengths that he went to - not only to monitor my behavior but to punish me - not because he was angry or disappointed, but because I needed it. I needed his structure and constant adherence to the rules I couldn’t seem to follow on my own. He had to do all of those things and I..I just had to accept it, take it. He had to do something that to someone he loved that I expressly did not enjoy. He had to watch me sob my way through it. And he had to hold me when it was over and forgive me.

And realizing that, I crawled up in his lap and held him. I told him how amazing he was and how sorry I was - not for the thing I’d done to deserve the punishment; I’d already apologized for that - but I was ashamed it had taken me so long to see not just the immediate consequences of my behavior, but how much punishing me weighed on him. I told him “thank you”. I told him I loved him.

And I tried to remember, the next time, to make better choices, not just because I didn’t want to be punished. Not just because I didn’t want to disappoint him. I didn’t want him to have to punish me. I’m not perfect; of course, I messed up eventually. But the lesson about taking care of him stayed with me for a long, long time.

Good Dominants are rare and precious things. We have to take care of the ones we love, just as much as they take care of us.

Posted:Dec 11, 2017 6:29 am
Last Updated:Dec 11, 2017 11:28 pm

He knew
She was
More than
First glances
She was
So deep
She watched
Said little
An observer
Of life
She absorbed
The details
Others overlooked
She saw
So much
More than
Others did
She was
A library
Of emotions
Just waiting
Patiently waiting
For him
The One
Who would
Just listen
To every
Little detail
She had
Within her
Every word
Every thought
Every dream
That she
Had saved
For this
Very moment
For him
For them
For us…

The way He loved her...
Posted:Dec 9, 2017 2:53 pm
Last Updated:Dec 11, 2017 6:03 am
The way He loved her...

He loved the way
Early morning light
Fell softly upon her
Igniting her fiery tresses
Those tiny freckles
On her tanned skin
He’d kissed a thousand times
The way her legs
Hitched up in sleep
Revealing a tiny birthmark
On her inner thigh
How she wrinkled her nose
When she disliked things
And curled her toes
When she did
But mostly he loved
Being the first one she saw
When she opened her eyes
And the sleepy smile
She wore for him
As she rolled
Into his warm embrace
And that heavenly sigh
That escaped her
As her cinnamon lips
Whispered to him
….good morning 💋

— wantonwhispers
What I'm listening to on this cold Saturday
Posted:Dec 9, 2017 5:40 am
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2017 2:28 pm
What I'm listening to on this cold Saturday.

1.Adam Raised A Cain............... Bruce Springsteen
2.Somebody's Cryin'....................Chris Isaak
3.You Can't Put Your Arms Round A Memory........Johnny Thunders
4.New Slang ......................................The Shins
5.Long Time.................................Blondie

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