It's All Relevant

This Blog Is About This & That..

Friends....
Posted:Feb 18, 2023 5:10 am
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2023 2:56 pm
4978 Views
To be listened to is great. To be heard is even better. But the most important thing is to be understood. Truly and completely. Understanding means accepting. It means someone gets you. It means giving a shit. Not everyone can do that, wants to, or is even capable of it. You’ll know it if you have someone like that in your life. Hang on to them because they’re rare as fuck.”

Copyright © Dirty Romantic - Tales of Love, Lust & Loss

20 Comments
Manners
Posted:Feb 16, 2023 4:22 am
Last Updated:Jun 10, 2023 1:02 am
5413 Views
Most of us I’m sure as heard “what do you say” when we wanted something, the correct and learned response is “please” or once received “thank you”.

For me manners are part of who I am, they are beyond mere words, they make up part of me, and they are part of my essence.

Manners played an integral part while I was in a relationship. Yes, he demanded them by saying something like “is that how you’re going to ask?” But more often than not that was unnecessary because I would have already used my manners. Manners are probably the easiest and yet most profound way of reaffirming my submission to him.

If I wanted to ask for something I would have said “may I please ask you something?” He heard this many times in a day, and the answer was always the same “Yes, Beautiful Always” I know that was always his response, but that doesn’t mean I used it as a default or blanket permission. l always asked because manners are powerful.

So why are manners powerful? The answer is very simple “respect”, “reverence”, and “appreciation”. They show all this in a profound way. They gave him power and showed him I appreciated everything he did for me, every last thing.

For something that costs you nothing, manners can take you far in life.

~M
20 Comments
Sub Frenzy – The Seductive State of Bliss
Posted:Feb 15, 2023 12:23 am
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2023 11:49 pm
5350 Views
The lifestyle or love style of Dominance and submission is a highly seductive one with its promise of highly focused devotion and intense and sensual and sexual pleasures. It is easy to believe from popularization in mass entertainment and readily available online imagery that somehow Dominance and submission are the answer to all our desires and prayers for a relationship and sensuality. Indeed, whether online or in-person, there is a genuine high that can be achieved in the endorphin-filled early days of a D/s relationship.

New Dominants are often overeager to prove their “Dominance” and in so doing can overreach their knowledge and native abilities in their quest to be the “perfect” Dom or simply to attract attention. Similarly, new submissives are equally eager to attract the attention of a Dominant and feel compelled to “prove” their submission when they eventually find one.

As with any new relationship, there is a honeymoon period where everything seems perfect no matter how imperfect things may be. In the vanilla world, this phenomenon is called “romantic love” in which the brain is flooded with pleasure and reward hormones at the mere mention or sight of the new object of affection. Common sense and rationality are routinely overcome by the flood of endorphins we experience at the thought of our new companion. In this period, we are often incapable of seeing the faults or flaws in others or serious incompatibilities that may be obvious to others but to which we are blind. This is common and normal and not usually all that dangerous if we do not do something totally rash or life-altering during this period of emotional and sensual high that we may subsequently regret. If we give ourselves time to settle down and sort things out we will usually come to our senses and either affirm our place in the relationship or wisely decide to move on.

In a D/s relationship, we are subject to all the pitfalls of romantic love in the vanilla world but add significantly more peril to the equation. In addition to the usual romantic and sensual attractions and distractions of any new relationship we add an exchange of power, heightened and new sexual activity, and for those who engage in sadomasochistic activities, potentially intense stimuli. We take the endorphin high of any new relationship and amp it up by many orders of magnitude. This is part of the attraction of D/s to be sure but it also makes our ability to act like rational human beings even more challenging than normal by deeply clouding our ability to make good decisions or even protect our welfare. This is a particularly perilous place for a submissive who already has all the pitfalls of any new relationship to be concerned with but then may also be giving up power, authority, and even self-will to their new partner. Being submissive, the tendency is to fully trust a Dominant to be responsible and caring and to be subservient to them in many ways. Even if there is some question about how things are going on the part of a submissive, there is a natural reluctance to question authority or to stand up for themselves. Doing so seems to be “against the rules” and off-limits in some way and can exacerbate the already cloudy judgment found in romantic love. Sadly, some so-called Dominants will even prey upon this natural tendency and use it to their advantage in ways that might be less than responsible.

The state of mind frequently experienced by new submissives or even experienced submissives in a new and powerful relationship is often referred to as “sub frenzy.” This is a time when a submissive may be overwhelmed by the emotions and physical stimuli of a new D/s relationship (or even the idea or promise of such a relationship) and they fall all over themselves to please and be pleasing without much concern for their own emotional well being or even physical safety. This period is characterized by a desire to try and do everything at once, prove just how submissive they are or can be, please their Dominant at all costs, and do almost anything not to make a mistake or disappoint. The attraction to their Dominant is intense and almost overwhelming. The need for attention and validation is intense and an otherwise emotionally healthy individual can find themselves driven by neediness, jealousy, attention-seeking, people-pleasing, and a host of other negative traits that may heretofore be foreign to them. Or in the case of a submissive who already tended to these negative character traits, they may become particularly pronounced in the zeal of “sub frenzy.”

We are all subject to intense feelings and needs in new relationships, Doms and subs alike, but the circumstances are particularly perilous for submissives as they throw themselves at the feet of a Dominant who may or may not be educated and experienced in D/s or perhaps maybe less than scrupulous. Let’s face it, not everyone claiming to be Dominant is a healthy or well-adjusted person, some are and some aren’t. We are all people and we run the gamut of society like any other group, ranging from saints to criminals and everything in between. The good news is that most Dominants are just average people who have the desire to express their relationships a little differently than most societies. But as with all shopping experiences, caveat emptor (buyer beware) is the operative phrase, and being a cautious shopper is not easy when you are completely overcome with the desire for a shiny new object. Whether it is a car, a new pair of shoes, a piece of jewelry you simply cannot live without, or a Dominant, it is all too easy to be overcome with a desire only to have a serious case of buyer’s remorse later. In the case of shopping for a Dominant, the penalties of impulse buying and being totally infatuated with your purchase can have serious and lasting effects; emotional, physical, and even socially.

Sub frenzy is real, very intense, and can lead to some very poor judgment and decision-making. There is no real cure for it as we all get excited and enamored with our new relationships. To some degree, we should be excited. It’s fun! But the best defense against doing something totally rash and potentially harmful in this prolonged state of delirium is to be aware that it is happening and be on guard for actions that might seem irrational in any other phase of our lives. It is also advisable to have someone rational and experienced in whom you can confide and who can check your motives and actions BEFORE you take them. This can be a friend, an experienced submissive, or an impartial, objective, and experienced Dominant. Have a mentor and a chaperone of sorts to help you see things objectively, someone who can see things through clear eyes and can pull you up short before you make a serious mistake. This can be hard to find when all our traditional friends, family, and coworkers would consider our exploration of D/s and BDSM to be absurd, irrational, dirty, or even deviant. It can be hard to find like-minded people whom we can trust to have our best interests at heart and whom we respect sufficiently to listen to when they are telling us something we desperately do not want to hear.

Obviously, there are many similarly-minded people gathering in places online with whom we can interact and compare notes but it is difficult to ascertain their level of experience and credibility. This is where reaching out in person to the D/s or BDSM community in your own geographic area can be very helpful. It is always easier to judge people in person than online since so much of our communication is through non-verbal/written means. Almost anywhere you go or live you can find gatherings of like-minded D/s souls that are open to the public and to which newcomers are readily welcomed. These are generally called munches and are usually held in a public location such as a restaurant or bar. Attendees most often wear street clothes and in fact, fetish wear is often prohibited out of respect to vanilla patrons of the establishment at which the gathering is held. Munches are a great way to meet people, share common interests, and generally become ingratiated into a new community. They are non-threatening events that are purely social in nature and I encourage anyone new to the D/s scene to participate. You can find lists of munches through Internet searches, by searching public events on social media outlets such as FetLife, and there is a good website dedicated to tracking and listing munches called Find A Munch; a link is available in “The Reference Room” on this blog. Attending munches and meeting other submissives and Dominants is a good way to learn, see firsthand what falls within the norms of acceptability in the BDSM community, and possibly meet a mentor or compatriot who can help guide you through the excitement and irrationality of sub-frenzy.

Awareness, education, preparation, and objective outside counsel are key to success in navigating sub-frenzy and I urge anyone contemplating undertaking a new D/s relationship to do their homework, talk things over with an experienced and objective third party, and go in with eyes wide open. You may be a submissive but you are still an autonomous human being with the ability to make decisions and stand up for yourself. Do not lose yourself completely. Caveat emptor and enjoy the ride.

Caption ©️For the Love of a Submissive 2019
5 Comments
This Place
Posted:Feb 12, 2023 7:22 am
Last Updated:Nov 26, 2023 1:56 am
6412 Views
You take me to this place where there's nothing except another orgasm that's begging for release. You search and seek and keep drawing them out of me. Taking them, owning each one. They belong to you. I don't have to think or talk it's just mumbled, incoherent moans of pleasure. I need more and you keep giving and giving for hours until I'm just this wild-haired mess of a girl. Covered in a mix of me and you. Unable to move, but I'm safe in your arms and there are forehead kisses and you whisperer I love you against my neck. I rest and I dream and I wake to your lips on mine eagerly ready to begin again.

~her-reconciled-heart
13 Comments
Pain & Pleasure
Posted:Feb 11, 2023 2:55 am
Last Updated:Feb 16, 2023 1:59 am
6291 Views
~

15 Comments
Kisses
Posted:Feb 9, 2023 7:56 pm
Last Updated:Jun 3, 2023 2:23 am
6449 Views


“Whether it be a peck goodbye, or long and drawn out, there is something incredibly personal and raw about a kiss. A kiss can be more intimate than sex. More moving than poetry. And when you find someone whose kisses make you feel drunk, it’ll change your world. Ruin you in the most beautiful way.”

— @daily-esprit-descalier
19 Comments
Punctuation Is Powerful
Posted:Feb 9, 2023 3:51 am
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2023 6:09 am
6204 Views
~

10 Comments
Alternate Meanings
Posted:Feb 7, 2023 1:23 am
Last Updated:Aug 14, 2023 12:52 am
7204 Views
Most people reading this likely understand that BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism, and how everyone feels comfortable in the lifestyle depends on which words they pick for their definition. Even with the official words, some other ideas are floating around out there. Here are four fun ones:

The creepy ‘internet Dom’ will often want the S to stand for sex because they want to get their kinky bow-chicka-wow-wow on.

Another cleaver version is often paired with “I Love” - Bananas, Dragon fruit, Strawberries, and Mangos.

If you are a fan of Italian food then this might work for you – Best Damn Spaghetti & Meatballs.

There is the snarky variant out there for those who are frustrated with the lifestyle - B for bullsh*t, D for drama, S for sh*tty behavior, and M for mature people are sadly lacking.

While you may have chucked at a couple of the meanings and I am sure if you have been around the lifestyle long enough, the snarky variant has been in your mind probably more than a few times but here is an alternative that fits nicely with the originally mean(s) of the acronym.

B – Believe in yourself. Believing is important, no matter your role in the lifestyle because the decision to explore the lifestyle as well as to join/grow within it requires each individual who does this to have confidence they are making the right choice for themselves. While everyone struggles with self-confidence, people who are truly at home in the lifestyle find their confidence grows as they mature into the role that fits their soul.

D – Doing the right thing. While there are bad actors within the lifestyle, see number four above, most people who are involved in the lifestyle are here for the correct reasons while endeavoring to do their best at making choices that are proper for themselves and those they care about. Plus this fits with believing in yourself because, at points in your lifestyle journey, there will be times when you have to have faith in yourself and make hard decisions to do what is best for you, even if these choices mean making others unhappy.

S – The S better represents how wonderful it is to show your lifestyle partner, or partners if you are poly, love. I believe that for those of us who are involved in the lifestyle being loved and showing those you love just much you care is truly amazing. When we find our home in this lifestyle, we love at a higher level than we ever dreamed possible, and the S here represents the joy in expressing it.

M – Making the world a better, brighter place. While there is not any scientific evidence to back up this claim, many of the people in the lifestyle put in the effort to improve the cosmos. Often it starts with working to be a better version of themselves and grows outward from there. Sometimes it can be as simple as working to make their in-person or online group better or making the time to get involved in their vanilla communities to lend a helping hand.
With so many truly amazing people involved in the lifestyle, it is great to see the acronym take on a greater meaning other than just the four letters that describe the lifestyle we choose to enjoy. Also, if you are new to the lifestyle, please keep your head held high because while at times it might feel like you are trapped in a kinky version of The Walking Dead, surrounded by hoards of flesh-eating zombie-like internet trolls, know there are amazing people out there to connect with, become friends with and maybe, just maybe, fall in love with that special someone.

©TLK2023
8 Comments
The Wait
Posted:Feb 6, 2023 9:51 pm
Last Updated:Feb 8, 2023 1:14 am
6806 Views
Perhaps it is the simple act of waiting, or the brush of air that is to blame for the goosebumps, the slight shiver, that strange meltdown that begins in your head.

Time passes and this is surely the reason for the tremble in your thighs. The almost imperceptible straightening of your back, because of the time passing.

The arching in your hips, that shift, almost unnoticed, certainly involuntary. Feels almost like your ass is rising too. Because… well you don’t know anymore because your head is melting down.

Why your nipples would rise and your breasts would swell, you couldn’t possibly say. But they just did. And now you’re chewing your lip, which you hate.

Every part of your body is so alive, and yet nothing is happening. Though your fingers are grasping at air and your toes seem to be curling for no apparent reason.

And this simple act of waiting doesn’t stop there, it seems to be traveling through you and causing a clenching in your core, heats throbbing between your legs.

Every part of you is now ripe and ready. Because you were waiting. Every part of you presented, just the way he likes it. Waiting.

.

©words: cat / be-pleasing-always
8 Comments
Sapiosexual
Posted:Feb 5, 2023 5:25 am
Last Updated:Jun 3, 2023 2:21 am
6763 Views
One who finds the content of someone else's mind to be their most attractive attribute, above and before their physical characteristics. From the Latin root sapien, meaning wise.

- In other words: If your mind doesn't turn me on, nothing else will.

9 Comments

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