TheMsTrixy 44F  
627 posts
4/12/2017 6:43 am
Safety Police

You often see people giving unsolicited advice about safety on kink sites. Don't do that, you could hurt yourself! Well, yeah, that's the point! You hear people preach SSC, which is just silly to me. Many of the things people do in BDSM is considered insane and unsafe by the general public. I am a proponent of RACK. Risk Aware Consensual Kink. Both parties should research the activity and be aware of what risks are involved and then choose whether or not to engage in said activity.

I digress, my original point was about people that speak up unprompted to tell people that their kink is not safe. I am curious why folks do that.
I only give safety advice when asked
I give safety advice unsolicited based on personal experience
I give safety advice unsolicited based on things I've seen online
I give safety advice unsolicited based on things I've read
I give safety advice unsolicited based on knowledge gained through my profession
I give safety advice unsolicited based on my own personal fears and/or preferences
I give safety advice unsolicited simply because I like to be up in other people's business
Other, please explain


TheMsTrixy 44F  
321 posts
4/12/2017 6:45 am

Are you a safety cop?


brandygirasol 49T  
683 posts
4/12/2017 7:14 am

Hello MsTrixy - No I'm Not A Safety Cop BUSYBODY ... However I'm Sometimes Surprised By Members Suddenly Emailing Me For Advice About Somebody They Are Considering Hooking Up With. I'm The Type Of Person Who Will Try To Assist People Who Ask Me For Help. YES I'm Sometimes Prone To Give Unsolicited Advice But Not Often. As For SAFETY I Would Like To Comment That Some Members Are Such Fraidy Cats I Don't SEE How They Will Ever Make A Connection. Silly Things Like... Only Texting And Not Actually Talking On The Telly To Make A Date AND Insistence On Meeting In A Public Place Before Agreeing To Hook Up In Private, Etc... Even Though I'm A Sissy Pansy Type Person I Realize I Must Be BOLD If I Want A Fuck Buddy ...!!!


1uncommondom 68M  
249 posts
4/12/2017 7:21 am

Consent is an illusion!
And the safety cop needs to be truthful an honest about the relationship of consent/kink and the law of the land.
FACT: BDSM is prosecuted as assault in the U.S., even when it is consenual.
FACT: No State or Appellate court has allowed CONSENT as a defense to assault in a case involving BDSM.

The answer to your question is that many don't know that consent will not protect them. That is the real risk awareness.


Sdguy643 32M
13 posts
4/12/2017 7:27 am

Interesting idea.


camperdude_69 56M
313 posts
4/12/2017 8:21 am

best to help when asked.


brandygirasol 49T  
683 posts
4/12/2017 12:14 pm

GEE I SEE That People Disagree With My Comments But I Have Always Operated As I Describe And Have Success Hooking Up With My Type of Guys. No Bad Things Have Happened To Me Nor Have I Had To Change My Phone Number, Etc... Some People Look At This The Wrong Way! ... In My Case Don't Approach ME Like I'm An Exotic Creature In A ZOO Scared To Get Too Close- Afraid To Talk On The Telly Or Even Have A First Name When Emailing Trying To Get A Date. The Proper Way Is To Approach Me Like I'm A Normal Person- With A Secret Kinky Sex Life- That You Wish To Make Friends With Because You Like My Profile And Believe We Are A MATCH As Potential Fuck Buddies! ... I'm Just A Simple Person Who Trys Not To Overcomplicate Things...


TheMsTrixy replies on 4/12/2017 12:35 pm:
What ever works for you is great. I think people may take issue with your blanket statement that safety in meeting someone new is not necessary. There ARE some crazy people out there and I'd never meet someone privately the first time. Common sense goes a long way here.

sub_nouveau 48F
3007 posts
4/12/2017 1:23 pm

I'm unsure if what I do is considered "giving" safety advice, I certainly do share details of personal experiences where things could have or did go horribly wrong for me - so its more of a "this happened to me" rather than a "Don't do... or Do do...".

I agree that everyone needs to research all activities for themselves beforehand, so a well-informed decision can be made. I learned that the hard way... my ex and I didn't do any research into breathplay (even though we'd spoken several times about wanting to try it), and he surprised me one day by looping a belt tightly around my neck - before I knew it, I was on the floor, he was standing over me, slapping my face, trying to bring me back. I'd almost immediately passed out, without any warning signs, and had been convulsing on the floor for a minute or so before regaining consciousness. We couldn't believe how stupid we'd been (my ex has been a Dom for 20+ yrs and is very intelligent & experienced in BDSM, sadism his specialty, but had never tried breathplay because he had perceived it to be too dangerous - but then out of the blue he'd made a split second decision to try it with me) - so that was a very powerful lesson for both of us. I did some research later (both online & with a pro Domme friend who has a wealth of knowledge/experience) and learned that my vagus nerve was probably restricted, causing my heart to shutdown for a few seconds. Without doubt, I'm incredibly lucky to be alive.

Let's talk. It's how we learn about yesterday and comprehend today.


brandygirasol 49T  
683 posts
4/12/2017 1:56 pm

    Quoting sub_nouveau:
    I'm unsure if what I do is considered "giving" safety advice, I certainly do share details of personal experiences where things could have or did go horribly wrong for me - so its more of a "this happened to me" rather than a "Don't do... or Do do...".

    I agree that everyone needs to research all activities for themselves beforehand, so a well-informed decision can be made. I learned that the hard way... my ex and I didn't do any research into breathplay (even though we'd spoken several times about wanting to try it), and he surprised me one day by looping a belt tightly around my neck - before I knew it, I was on the floor, he was standing over me, slapping my face, trying to bring me back. I'd almost immediately passed out, without any warning signs, and had been convulsing on the floor for a minute or so before regaining consciousness. We couldn't believe how stupid we'd been (my ex has been a Dom for 20+ yrs and is very intelligent & experienced in BDSM, sadism his specialty, but had never tried breathplay because he had perceived it to be too dangerous - but then out of the blue he'd made a split second decision to try it with me) - so that was a very powerful lesson for both of us. I did some research later (both online & with a pro Domme friend who has a wealth of knowledge/experience) and learned that my vagus nerve was probably restricted, causing my heart to shutdown for a few seconds. Without doubt, I'm incredibly lucky to be alive.
WOW Girlfriend That Is A Scarey Story- Glad You Escaped Unscathed WOW ... Well There Sure Are Some Activities That I Never Agree To Perform Like Breathplay Or Needles Or Fisting Among Other Things..


sub_nouveau 48F
3007 posts
4/12/2017 1:59 pm

    Quoting brandygirasol:
    Hello MsTrixy - No I'm Not A Safety Cop BUSYBODY ... However I'm Sometimes Surprised By Members Suddenly Emailing Me For Advice About Somebody They Are Considering Hooking Up With. I'm The Type Of Person Who Will Try To Assist People Who Ask Me For Help. YES I'm Sometimes Prone To Give Unsolicited Advice But Not Often. As For SAFETY I Would Like To Comment That Some Members Are Such Fraidy Cats I Don't SEE How They Will Ever Make A Connection. Silly Things Like... Only Texting And Not Actually Talking On The Telly To Make A Date AND Insistence On Meeting In A Public Place Before Agreeing To Hook Up In Private, Etc... Even Though I'm A Sissy Pansy Type Person I Realize I Must Be BOLD If I Want A Fuck Buddy ...!!!
Hi Girlfriend, I love that you're so bold - its a big part of who you are & you know how I adore you! Personally, I've always had to take that extra care when meeting new guys, as there have been some crazies (ie they've said all the right things to me during chat, but upon meeting, have demonstrated some very concerning aggressive behaviour). When I think what they could have done to me if my first meeting was behind closed doors... I mean the one guy, as soon as he entered the restaurant, walked straight up to me - grabbed me by my hair so forcefully, he nearly pulled me backwards off my chair - there were people everywhere watching in horror and I felt like I was about to become part of a domestic abuse scene. Don't get me wrong, I love a good bit of hair pulling, but not as a greeting at a very first meeting (and it was really violent)! He was entirely disrespectful and aggressive, and if he behaves that way in public, just imagine how he treats a partner in private... Not for this little black duck!
Thankfully that's all in the past now

Let's talk. It's how we learn about yesterday and comprehend today.


sub_nouveau 48F
3007 posts
4/12/2017 2:19 pm

    Quoting brandygirasol:
    WOW Girlfriend That Is A Scarey Story- Glad You Escaped Unscathed WOW ... Well There Sure Are Some Activities That I Never Agree To Perform Like Breathplay Or Needles Or Fisting Among Other Things..
Thanks Brandy That Dom & I went on a wild ride... for about 10 mths we pushed each other to crazy extremes... neither of us saying "no". He's quite the sadist and he trained me to become a hardcore masochist. 300 lashes from a whip and floggers was a standard greeting for me - on some occasions, drawing blood - serious welts & bruises were always expected. Extreme sensory deprivation; chains, clamps, weights; hard bondage; water sports; degradation/humiliation; hard impact play; electro torture (incl real cattle prods); wax; knives; extreme role play... It would always take me at least 5 days for my body to recover post play.
All of that is behind me now, as I've discovered I much prefer the sensual play I experience with My Sir. Sure, he enjoys BDSM with me, but pain is used to heighten my pleasure these days.

Let's talk. It's how we learn about yesterday and comprehend today.


brandygirasol 49T  
683 posts
4/12/2017 3:17 pm

OMG Girl...!!! ... Your Experiances Are Far Wilder And More Extreme Than Anything I've Ever Been Involved With For Sure. Worst For Me Is My Body Aching And Stiff The Next Day And Perhaps My Bottom A Little Sore- Uncomfy To Sit Down- But Thats It. You Are A Such A Very Sweet SUB Whom I Admire Greatly- Hugging You NOW gEE Members Must Roll Their Eyes Because Its Always A Love Fest Between US ... However Not The Same As That Super Handsome DOM Of Yours, Girlfriend ...!!!!


TheMsTrixy 44F  
321 posts
4/12/2017 4:06 pm

Y'all two get a room! I'm kidding. Your friendship and care for each other is very sweet.


brandygirasol 49T  
683 posts
4/12/2017 4:18 pm

    Quoting TheMsTrixy:
    Y'all two get a room! I'm kidding. Your friendship and care for each other is very sweet.
Thank You MsTrixy ... And I Think You Are Sooooo COOL


InderioMinx 47F  
14787 posts
4/12/2017 4:21 pm

Yep, I discuss and post about safety.

Sometimes new people do not think before they act or it seems an issue, with stories you hear, Sometimes reminders are good, for me and others. Some is based on experience, some based on based on common sense, after one steps back from the kid in the candy store rush. Though, I don't bother to blather on "...unprompted to tell people that their kink is not safe." Hell most things are not, though it never hurts to remind people to be smart about the activities they engage in to minimize the potential.

Ars longa, vita brevis - Art is long, life is short


lacy03 56T  
29 posts
4/13/2017 10:13 am

Other
I don't say shit about what other's do only what I am involved in.


rosaenaluin 58F  
487 posts
4/13/2017 1:39 pm

I might be a safety cop?

I have heard soo much missery, in play scenes... in first contacts, in motel meets,
just because they thought it was HOT.... everybody is their own boss... so in the end it wont matter much... i think...
accidents waiting to happen, will happen.

because most people are soo horny, all their blood is in their genitals, so some warning is in place... some times, maybe....? i dont know...

after all, it is entirely up to those involved in that scene.... to think first.


ledapage 61M  
191 posts
4/13/2017 3:28 pm

i know far too little to give advice. however listening and learning along the way has been very helpful and ultimately i make my own best informed choice with my knowledge base and gathering information from many others hopefully based on their truthful experience.


TheMsTrixy 44F  
321 posts
4/13/2017 4:47 pm

What prompted this discussion was another post on this site where a gentleman asked how to get used to a particular kind of heavy cbt. A few posters told him how unsafe it was and crazy to even consider it. In truth, what he was talking about is not unsafe if done correctly. A LOT of people engage in and enjoy it. But the people posting were 1, a woman that doesn't have the parts in question and 2 a man that may or may not have ever participated in any cbt.

I have seen many people speak up and scream about safety out of fear or prejudice but only occasionally were the concerns valid. I have had friends ask me "is x safe?" or "do you think I should try z?" In those instances I'll give my opinion and knowledge. But to tell random people online that I know that there kink is wrong is just... wrong.

I encourage people to research what they plan to do. Asking strangers online is one small piece of that, but I hope they will do a LOT more research than that.

Last night, I used a blood sugar testing lancet to poke my slave multiple times. With the same lancet! Oh no! Help, I am so dangerous. It was a cleaned area, with a single lancet on a single person with several punctures in a row. I didn't let the blood dry between, I didn't use it on multiple people, I used proper hygiene. But some safety police would freak the fuck out over that. It's all about being aware of the risks and weighing those risks against the reward. The reward for us? Awesome subspace for her and a nifty little design to remind of us our fun for a few days.

So, lighten up folks. Stop telling people that they are having fun the wrong way. There is a meme on facebook that says "don't judge people for sinning differently than you." The same can be said in kink. Don't tell people they are wrong just because you don't enjoy what they do.


VladVampireLord 43M
4117 posts
4/14/2017 11:06 am

If there is indeed a community, it has some responsibility for the safety of members of that "community." Some feel that responsibility while others think it "fun" tompoke others with dirty needles encrusted with another's blood or other risky behavior.

Not everyone can do extensive research when someone whips out their pussy and say fuck me bareback. Often the other head takes over from there. That is why a culture of safety and responsibility is needed.

Those that take that responsibility seriously should not be branded the enemy. Not everyone gets a second chance or a do over. If you want respect as a kink culture you need to respect and try to protect the people who comprise it.


TheMsTrixy 44F  
321 posts
4/14/2017 1:53 pm

    Quoting VladVampireLord:
    If there is indeed a community, it has some responsibility for the safety of members of that "community." Some feel that responsibility while others think it "fun" tompoke others with dirty needles encrusted with another's blood or other risky behavior.

    Not everyone can do extensive research when someone whips out their pussy and say fuck me bareback. Often the other head takes over from there. That is why a culture of safety and responsibility is needed.

    Those that take that responsibility seriously should not be branded the enemy. Not everyone gets a second chance or a do over. If you want respect as a kink culture you need to respect and try to protect the people who comprise it.


First, it's nice to see you!

Second, I agree to some degree. I will definitely speak up if I know a friend is doing something unsafe. And even in group discussions if someone is spewing horribly incorrect information, I'll give my opinion/ideas.

What bothers me is people who feel the need to speak up based on personal prejudice about things that they have no idea about. Calling things unsafe that aren't because they are afraid of them. Or people that assume others are too stupid to research things.

If I say I do needle play and give no other information and someone assumes I don't know what I'm doing and begins to lecture me on the proper safe technique, I'm going to be annoyed. If they ask if I have any training or experience and offer to give advice, I'm going to be polite and thank them for their offer.

If I say I like CBT and someone starts spewing how unsafe it is in all cases and no one should ever hurt the male genitalia, I'm probably going to laugh at them and call them a wimp. But again, if they ask my experience level and have I considered this or that, I'll appreciate their input and treat them with respect.

It's all a matter of common sense, respect, and knowing when to say something and when to keep your nose out of other people's kink.


auburnroxy 34F
25 posts
4/16/2017 2:50 am

I generally stay out of things that don't concern me - but I'd step in if I saw someone doing something foolish on-line, like giving out phone numbers, home addresses etc. Some people think they are speaking to one person but can end up broadcasting that info to the entire world.


sioncaradog2 68M  
13 posts
4/28/2017 9:31 am

Everyone has different levels, and one person's meat will be another's poison in BDSM. I must admit backing out of a meet, when being told to arrive at a car park, and then get into the car driven by Mistresses slave. In that case I could have disappeared without trace, and no one knowing where I'd gone. No address. Nothing. Danger signs flagged up on that. The main thing in all Health, and Safety is, assess the risks, and minimise where possible, and if still too risky, don't do it.

sioncaradog2


sioncaradog2 68M  
13 posts
4/28/2017 9:59 am

Just reading about the hair pulling in a restaurant. That's pretty horrific, and the guy concerned could have been on a charge, if someone there had called the Police. You certainly don't walk up to a stranger, and do that. In fact even if not a stranger, he could be on a public order charge!

sioncaradog2


rocky2774 42M
28 posts
6/19/2017 7:38 am

normally i dont try to be over smart... i say only when asked...


MaleinBondage 30M
1 post
6/20/2017 10:15 am

I don't like it to say to someone what to do. Just make your own decision.


boringbloke60 57M  
14 posts
6/22/2017 2:39 pm

Safety!
Hell I have worked in "Health & Safety" most of it is to reduce litigation from employees and to create additional charges for the customer additional charges = additional profit!

I agree "Both parties should research the activity and be aware of what risks are involved and then choose whether or not to engage in said activity".



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